What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 01:09
I said to her
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What is the irony of life according to you?
I could never make a relationship work though!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Is it okay or problematic to be both Black and gay in society in the 21st century?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Just sitting at home with this huge cock. Who can take care of it for me?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She loved him until the end.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What is the most unwatchable movie you have sat through?
My life is so biszare .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She married twice! .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
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She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
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Was to survive, this bastard.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Are INFJs essentially the most introverted type?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One cannot live in the past .
How do you know if your husband loves you truly and deeply?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was seconnd youngest,
All the time i was locked up.
I never cut or harmed myself..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She wouldn,t have been !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I will be 64.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We all went to grammer schools
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We were not on the streets..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
What did i know ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Who then, do I blame.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Would this be the day?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I think the readers, may guess!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was very sick at this time too.
I don,t even have a pension.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im still living with it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was scared of men, in general
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was in good health!
I have no regrets .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
This is soul school!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He knew the spot.
I waited trembling.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ive learnt so much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was 9 years of age.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
It was going to be , some day.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My family never makes their pension either.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And i lived it daily.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Comes on , in middle age.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
When she asked me how she looked .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So whats the point in blame.
Put me off passion for life!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why did i forgive my father ?